Those who have known me or my wife Elaine for many years will know that today, 4 March, is the birthday of our first son, Samuel George William Luff.
He was born in 1992 but died during delivery. He would have been 18 today.
Can I take the opportunity to acknowledge and thank our close friends and family who remember Samuel’s birthday every year. Your love and quiet support has been an incredible blessing to us over the years. It has made us feel loved, and shown us that Samuel’s memory is special and valued.
It seems to be so long ago, and yet the pain is still so real. I miss him and I know that Elaine does as well. I miss knowing him and loving him. I miss walking with him and talking with him, laughing with him and crying with him.
Don’t get me wrong. We have been blessed with another wonderful son, Benjamin, whom I love with all my heart, even if sometimes we don’t see eye to eye during his teenage years. I am proud of him and would die for him. I love being with him and he makes me laugh like very few others do.
But I wish Samuel had lived.
I wish he had been here with us today to celebrate his eighteenth birthday. To be Benjamin’s older brother. To give me two teenage sons of whom I am proud rather than the one.
Some say that time heals and takes away pain. Don’t believe them – it’s a lie! Time does not take away pain, it just makes it easier to live with.
As a Christian, I honestly and truly do not know how people get though the loss of a child, or any real loss for that matter, without the hope that comes through knowing Jesus. It’s the pain that keeps me close to him – because he is the only one who breaks through it, and make sense of it.
Time doesn’t heal – only Jesus heals. Having his arms around you is what makes the difference.
Or at least it has for me and Elaine.
So this short post is in memory of Samuel George William Luff. I miss you, son, and always will.